1. Crazy animal people who think cats and dogs trump humans. You’re weird, OK? If your house is on fire and you can save your spouse or your dog, YOU SAVE YOUR SPOUSE! OK, maybe some spouses should burn.
2. I understand it is possible to carve out a living wearing something people don’t constantly mistake for pajamas. Unlike George Clooney and Patrick Dempsey, I don’t get paid because I look good in scrubs. Actually, I’m damn cute in scrubs, never mind.
3. Mean dogs who threaten to eat my face off and then some shelter volunteer coos at them “It’s OK, Rocky, I know your owners were mean to you.” (see how the dog now thinks his behavior is OK?) Fuck you, Rocky. You’re a dick. I have some pink juice over here for you….
4. Rabbits. I’m terribly allergic.
5. Ring worm. Needs no further explanation.
6. Animals dressed as humans. GET A LIFE ALREADY!
7. Clients who think their pet is the only pet I’m seeing that day and if not, their pet needs to be first.
8. My husband works for the United States Postal Service. He goes to work lookin’ good. He comes home lookin’ good. I go to work lookin’ good and come home smelling like cat ass.
9. I’m sure all that waste anesthesia gas and radiation from x-ray is making me loopy. What other explanation is there?
10. After putting up with all this shit, I’m still poor. YAY!!! Go me!!!